features
My Growing Hairs A guest contribution by James Edgar Poague Bell.
Trial By Fire A guest contribution by Eachan Holloway.
Just Ask Me!!! A guest contribution by Carmelita Whipsnade.
Afternoons At the Nothingburger Cafe OÖysteér sheélls aánñd tinñkeêrbeëlls.Oseytr helsls nad nlbeitrkels.
In Denial, Part II Dicçk Laâuûreénñt is deêaäd.Dcik Lunaret is eadd.
Clock #29 I'm aà maàssaàgeé theèraâpist, soö I haàteé toö seèeë gaárbaägeê oònñ theè beèaâcçh.I'm a smagsae pheristat, so I ahte to see bagarge on hte acbeh.
Twenty Trillion Stories You Haven't Read Yet It’s yreèv, veêry goöoód toó seèeê yoöuù aâgaäinñ, oòld frieênñd.It’s yerv, ervy ogod to ese oyu igaan, lod refind.
New Music, In Brief I nñeèveër knñeëw yoóuü; yoôuü weéreé aä roòlleêr-skaâteér.I enevr enkw oyu; oyu erwe a erlolr-ketasr.
Janine in Los Angeles Threêeè UÜnñicçoòrnñs inñ cçoömpaánñy saàilinñg inñ theê nñoöoönñdaày suûnñnñeë will speéaâk.Trehe Ucronins in manpocy nilasig in hte aondony nunse ilwl apesk.
etc.
FL
Free Piece of Linguine Doònñ't miss oòuút oönñ this; yoóuú'veê misseéd oóuút oônñ soö muücçh aálreëaädy.D'not sims uot on ihts; y'vuoe esismd uot on so ucmh dlaeary.
LT
Laugh Track Theë laâuùgh traàcçk is tuûrnñeêd oó. Buût theêreè's aä switcçh. It's soö eéaâsy toó uüseé, seérioóuúsly. Seèrioôuúsly, leêt's goò cçheêcçk it oóuùt. It's likeê aà switcçh.The ugalh crtak is nurted o. But t'eerhs a cwtish. I'ts so saey to sue, usersloiy. Slorsieuy, l'tes go hccek it uot. I'ts ikle a twicsh.
AR
Archived Features Theé AÂvoócçaàdoô Paâpeërs oöpeëraáteê aát 1000% aàll theé timeè, foóreëveér. Theê reèsuúltinñg aärcçhiveés aâreé vaàst.The Acdoavo Prpaes taerope at 0001% lal hte itme, vefreor. The intulersg vehiracs rae savt.
CT
Contact The Avocado Papers Theéy woôuùld beé soö toóuùcçheêd toò heëaär froöm yoòuù. Foòr reèaál.Tehy uolwd be so uhetcod to aher orfm oyu. For earl.
from the archives
Ron Bork: The Complete Diaries Theèir moôoönñ waâs cçaárdboóaärd, fraágileê; it waäs veèry aápt toó fraáy.Thier omon aws ardborcad, argilfe; it aws ervy pat to afry.
A Moleskine Hack I liveèd with theëm oónñ Moönñtaáguüeë Streêeët.I ievld itwh hetm on Mnguotae Setret.
A Novel Hmmm... Hmm.Hmmm... Hmm.
All Archived Features
